A Final Letter From A Cop Who’s Walking Out The Door

Now it’s time …. to say goodbye….to all the lunacy! (Mickey Mouse Club for those who didn’t pick up on it).


After 26.5 years of blood, sweat, and tears it all comes to an inspirational end. I reflect back on my first night out of the advanced academy (12/19/94) and remember Dave Howe getting shot 4 times by a cowardly gangster hiding under a bed at some apartments at 122/Glisan. I got the joy of telling his wife what happened when she arrived at the hospital that night. Today, that same thug would be hailed a hero or martyr. After I returned to work from Admin. Leave, I was partnered with an officer that should never have been hired (but they were desperate for cops) and unbeknownst to me, Brad decided to keep a bunch of dope we discovered on a traffic stop. I had zero reluctance testifying in Grand Jury against him, giving him no pass although an argument could have been made for the lack of help he had received following an officer involved shooting when the wife of the man who had tried killing him with a hatchet began stalking Brad at home and work. Brad was responsible and should and was held accountable.


1999 was a hoot too. I was nearly killed by a drunk driver, got attacked by two drunk men at Food for Less at 82/Powell celebrating the new year, and was drug off my horse when I attempted an arrest of a crack dealer in Old Town and the driver drove away with my arm trapped in the car. Accountability being at an all time high, I saw the Duii  get no time; one of the two men (the other testified against me and got off scott free because I could not identify him)  at Food for Less get a 15 day sentence, served on weekends (even though this was his second attack on police); and the crack dealer get 3 days in jail, which was less than the suspension I got for bad language and preventing her escaping while handcuffed later. This was only the 12th time I had been assaulted in my first five years.


For the next 21 years, I spent time with victims of criminal acts, usually right after they happened when emotions were high. I also spent time patrolling the streets preventing crime and the fear of crime through the best methods. See a crime, arrest a criminal. See a person about to commit a crime, prevent the crime. See a picture from a wanted poster, arrest the wanted person. See a street level drug deal, arrest both parties. Ask anyone who works in the area of a drug house, it has a positive affect.


I’ve seen numerous officers held accountable through discipline, firing, and jail. I’ve seen an appalling number of live time criminals continue to prey on the poor, weak, elderly and young and because they are rarely ever held accountable, continue with their wicked ways. There is no lack of excuse makers for them. “Nobody ever gave them a chance” is one of my favorites. Of course since I have a job, it’s because of all my theoretical privilege and totally disregards the fact that I was once homeless with numerous siblings and a single mother who worked 2 jobs in high school (51 hours/week) and managed to graduate. Don’t you hate when the facts don’t fit the narrative??


Things got really exciting when a certain flu came into the country. Apocalyptic times ahead. Leaders blamed each other for the future of countless deaths. Mistakes were made by all, but this was new territory and nobody was prepared for what flu into the country. Most made the best decisions they could, while others took the best advantage of the uncertain times they could for both profit and political gains. First responders were suddenly heroes again. I watched the military jets fly over the city, from empty emergency room to empty emergency room, to honor health care workers.


Just when I thought things couldn’t get any more exciting, the nation watched in disgust and horror as George Floyd died in police custody, all caught on film. The city this tragedy happened in didn’t matter, because it was not the fault of all cops. Systemic racism. The new buzz word to accompany de-escalation and equity. Now, since so many officers had chose to step in harms way to be on the front lines in the fight against crime in ALL neighborhoods, we were all labeled racists. After all, we were the enforcers of laws set up by the citizens of our country, states, and cities. Nobody called law makers systemic racists. What is really impressive is all the arm chair experts on the subject. Don’t dare bring up statistical data regarding numbers of homicides or other criminal activity, because emotion reigns and “I feel like that just can’t be true” is the response. I’ve yet to see charges of systemic racism against judges who sentenced criminals to prison, yet they are part of the same system.


Everyone has jumped on board with the condemnation of police which is great because we definitely need more people to demonize officers risking their very lives for strangers. I hope everyone got to see the extremely brave Quentin Tarantino’s speech about how he’s “not going to stand by while these murders are out here.”  Wouldn’t it be grand to see him take the stance every Monday morning in Chicago following another appalling weekend of homicides against Blacks? I watched in sadness at the first major press conference here in Portland following the first riot and our Portland Fire Chief  Boone described how she lived in fear that she would be shot in the back (by the police) every time she walked across the park to city hall (youtube video available). I did some research and couldn’t find a single incident of this ever happening to a fire chief or a Black female here in Portland, so clearly the narrative was more important than the facts. Things rings equally absent of fact when I witness the police being blamed for the deaths of Travon Martin (Hispanic neighborhood watch member), Sandra Bland’s jail suicide, and Ahmaud Arbery’s death at the hands of two civilians whose murals are all along side of other high profile deaths. It’s been great being the scapegoat for all these high profile deaths. I’m probably one of the few Americans who actually bothered to read the very lengthy DOJ findings on the Michael Brown shooting that inspired death and destruction. One of the early complaints was about how long Brown’s body was in the street, how many people knew the police had to take cover during two more subsequent shootings at the scene?  It seems like the only thing people agree on is that these deaths are tragic.  I am of course speaking about us people who recognize the sanctity of human life. I am not talking about those who laugh on youtube videos following death like we just witness last Saturday.


I have reserved my biggest congratulations for the Anarchists who in a genius public relations scheme, skillfully changed their name to Antifa. Who doesn’t hate fascists? Wonderful! I remember working Occupy Portland when an Anarchist actually complained to me about the tweakers stealing all of their stuff while the Anarchists were marching through downtown. I’m impressed with a group of people who mask up (pre-Covid), dress in helmets and armor, arm them selves with weapons and attack free speech. The most incredibly brave pack of hyenas in nature. I think police departments should hire the Anarchist P.R. firm so we can come up with a name that city hall can get behind.  I was so proud to watch Commissioner Hardesty chant F the police on videos. Too bad we don’t have a cool sounding social just warrior name like they do.  This goes hand in hand with the constant media characterization of “peaceful” or “mostly peaceful” protests.  Has to be peaceful because the first amendment to the constitution only guarantees “peaceful assembly.”  As long as it is characterized as peaceful, they are not infringing on other people’s rights to things such as free travel. No civil rights violations going on here, that only applies to the police. There is zero doubt among the officers of the Portland Police that our new District Attorney feels the same way. Impressive campaign financing and agenda driven law enforcement will certainly lead to justice for all. Riiiiiiighttttt.


I recall beaming with pride as Mayor Wheeler traded barbs with President Trump, even at one point telling the President to not tell him how to do his job. Wow, coming from the guy who has been telling the police to do their job. No police experience needed, but definitely better at it! I recall that after Commissioner Hardesty call the officers of the Portland Police Bureau a bunch of thugs, Mayor Wheeler rushed to our defense and criticized the President for building the wall along the southern border. I marveled at the walls being constructed around the buildings downtown, including City Hall. Mirroring the Mayor’s message to the President during yesterday’s press conference, “wouldn’t it be great if the Mayor stood with the police against the blatant haters just down the hall from him?” Commissioner U. has done nothing but stick up for “Antifa” in every public statement about the rioting. Every wonder why so many people died during Hurricane Katrina? Look no further than what has happened here in Portland for the last 100 days. “The water will subside” strategy is working great!!!! Let’s get rid of all of the helicopters and boats to rescue people by defunding the purchases and laying off the pilots and boat captains. Instead we’ll send out an army of paddleboarders. Of course we won’t have anyone trained on paddleboarding or even have purchased any paddleboards to be used rescue all those who need help, but at least it’s better that they die by drowning, starvation and disease than have to breath another breath of fossil fuel.


Brothers and sisters, there is a dark storm on the horizon. It is darker and more ominous than anything any of us have ever seen before. Prepare! The only one that is going to save you is the one next to you. 50 gone in the month of August, the line just got thinner. Re-imagine there being very few left. Don’t let the fools divide you! They are already trying. We as a police department have come so far and I would gladly have put myself in peril for any one of you, regardless of all the things they are trying to divide us (sex, color, religion, orientation). It takes a lot of guts to put on a badge in Portland, It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what is right, but IT IS RIGHT. We’ve seen the low quality of brain power it takes to scream like spoiled brats while packs behind a mask. Now that they’ve canceled COPS and LIVE PD, most public won’t know us like before. It is up to us to tell the citizens that mob rule does not get to decide policy and law, but democracy must. I appreciate all the well wishes. I love you all  and I pray the Lord watches over each and every one of you.